Meandering Musings Of A Mutated Mind

Searching For The Significance Of Your Soul

By Luke Romyn on March 15, 2012

Everything is paid for, nothing is free. Beware the dream that costs too much.

Hope resides within us all for a greater life, a richer existence, but sometimes the road to that dream is paved with broken glass, and the goal you find is empty, a shrouded thing, shimmering within your grasp, yet hollow and worthless.

I fear such a thing.

The grass is always greener on the other side because the gardener is full of shit. He will hold up dung and tell you it is gold, touting its glory for all who will hear, trapping any who dare dream of living in his garden.

But true gold exists, I know it, I’ve seen it. It hides not in the ground, nor in a fat man’s wallet, but in the eyes of the one who grasps it true. That is the goal, the existence we all crave, though some know not. The paths to this quest vary greatly, but the goal is the same. It is purpose, it is fulfillment, it is worth.

Some already have it, walking through life unknowing of what they possess. They appear charmed in all they do, but it’s an illusion. The true source of their wealth resides in their soul, a certain completeness within them they bear like a talisman. Watch them, envy them, and believe what they have is out of reach.

Or maybe not….

Happiness is within reach for all who truly seek it, though most don’t know how. They reside within chasms of loss, hiding behind walls of trepidation, desperate for another to show them the route which they alone can find.

You must seek it with all your soul. Hunting, like a predator in the darkness, for that first tiny flicker of the wealth you so covet.

It could be something so simple as a flower, the only one of its kind, that will mean nothing to any other living thing for all eternity, but means everything to you, because it’s yours. Or it might be so vast as world domination, in all its shapes and forms, that eludes you, and it is only at its loss that you realize you held it all along.

I hold no answers. There is no simple solution or else this world would be a paradise and not a bucket of fools all clamoring about unfairness, crying to whatever deity they worship to make their lives right.

Save your breath; help yourself.

The treasure you yearn can only come from struggling through the mire of odds to a glorious horizon. There is no easy route, and to think so is to set yourself upon a course doomed to failure. Prepare for all hardships and your way will run strong, and if by chance you arrive sooner than you thought, smile. You’ve found your way home.

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Topics: Personal, Serious | 2 Comments »

The Battle Against Time

By Luke Romyn on August 1, 2011

Forever slipping by unnoticed, we crave more but waste too much nonetheless. We scream there aren’t enough hours and yet if there were they still wouldn’t suffice – we will always find more to fill them with. Ah, the anguish of what if fills the spaces of time wasted and we blame it on the absence of extra hours… or even minutes… or seconds.

We could live for eternity and still not accomplish all we might hope for – or else squander our time frivolously and with a last gasp fret at our loss as existence blinked out. Alas, the torturous loss of time can never be retrieved; the kiss untested, the word unspoken – never to be experienced as the moment slips away and all you are left with are memories and regrets.

But there is a solution to this dilemma, an answer to your quandary: waste not a second. If an opportunity is there, take it. While your mind is awake strive to squeeze every dream from your soul and furnish it with reality in such a way as to make that final breath a glad one, and embrace your end with a smile, not regret. For the speed of time is remorseless, and will not turn back no matter how much you beseech it.

Every moment might be a blink before your end, a heartbeat from a loss you can never reclaim. Time is merciless and unstoppable; ignore it at your peril lest you turn around to discover yours is finished before you truly start.

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Topics: Serious, Writing | 3 Comments »

Crawling Upon the Path of Shattered Dreams

By Luke Romyn on July 11, 2011

Breathe in hope. Exhale despair.

I scream silently, tearing apart with each agonizing inch I draw closer, falling to pieces and drawing together with each moment I exist. This cannot be worth it, but I cannot turn away, not now. I have come too far, sacrificed too much not to see it come to fruition.

Dreams wither and bloom with each gasp. I cry to God for help but He ignores me, realizing the torment I endure is something I must undergo alone and His touch will surely shatter the task completely. My soul is burning, but it is not ashen yet. I must go on.

Everything has become a blur of pain, agony beyond measure, but the knowledge others have trudged this path before me gives hope, and hope is like water in the desert to a dying man. I would weep and gnash teeth, but to do so is pointless, I must go on.

The monotony of each day drags on like razor-wire, each task laborious beyond measure.

I cannot go on. I must go on.

There is no choice in the matter, but it is a task almost beyond me.

I have already come so far.

Others surpass me, flying to almost unbelievable heights seemingly without effort. Their accomplishments are met with heralds and accolades, yet my own pass seemingly unnoticed. It does not matter, nothing matters anymore, only the pinprick of light in the distance which never seems to draw nearer. It remains constant in my mind, but always appears so far away, so unattainable, like trying to grasp the ocean and hold it tight. The harder I try the more it seems to slip away.

And so I will continue along this path of shattered dreams, cut and broken, but still whole enough to make it. For every now and then along this road someone appears to make it all worthwhile, a stranger with words of praise for the work I think nobody sees, and my blood surges whole once more. My wounds heal and I can again walk like a man among the corpses that litter my road, those who came before me and failed.

But I will not fail.

I will endure.

I must.

For those who give me hope, for those who would see me fall, for those who have borne my pain while I have crawled – there is no other choice for me. I will get stronger with each injury, ignoring agony which cannot be borne, gasping acid and exhaling light, for that is what I must do in order to achieve what I desire. Whining will not do it, complaining will not aid me, only fortitude and perseverance in the face of what assails me will see me through.

And so I crawl on, each day bringing new hope that it might be my last upon this path of shattered dreams….

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Topics: Serious, Writing | 5 Comments »

When I grow up….

By Luke Romyn on June 15, 2011

When I grow up, I wanna be special, to stand out from the crowd, but in order to do that I need to learn from those who came before me and grow up just the right way.

I need to remember that this kid:

Ended up being this dude:

And this seemingly innocent baby:

Tragically resulted in this adult:

But not all adult issues begin in the crib. For instance, this kid was just beginning to mature when this happened:

Imagine the issues he’ll have in later life.

Bad parenting is also a huge determining factor in how any kid will end up in later life:

But that’s all stuff therapists can work on in later life. Some things can’t be changed, though. Sexual orientation, for instance, is decided much earlier than many people would have us believe:

Neither is wrong, but either will dramatically dictate a guy’s life. Another thing which will affect adulthood will be a violent nature. Violence in early life may seem harmless, but could point to issues which will manifest more devastatingly in later life. Simple things like this: