The Cost of a Life
A life is an incredible gift, a wondrous adventure of hope, wonder, excitement, love…
…and despair.
Such excesses of emotion flow through the human body and often our own feelings become our greatest enemies, leaving us trapped, ensnared within misery without any avenue of escape other than death.
Teen years are the hardest, going from what you were into what you will become, and those whose opinions mean the most – your peers – quite often become blades against tender membranous emotion. Like a caterpillar morphing into a butterfly, the teen years represent the most vulnerable, that time within a cocoon when any touch can cripple.
Being different is a disease during this time, leaving the individual alone, tested daily by those who could be friends, but choose to hate out of fear. By attacking those who stand alone they ensure they are not attacked, but it also condemns them to the path of so many cowards before them.
Which brings me to the story of a young man I did not know, and will never meet. A boy with more courage than any of those who lashed out at him with insults and attacks because he chose to admit what he was; something others would fear to reveal in case they were similarly attacked.
I refer to Jamey Rodemeyer, a teenage boy who admitted he was gay.
I’m not gay, and to be honest I don’t hang out with any gay people on a regular basis, but I’ve worked with both men and women over the years who are attracted to the same sex and am yet to understand why such a thing is so feared. Maybe I’m unaware of some grand conspiracy to take over the world through homosexuality. Seems pretty far-fetched to me.
But just because I don’t go for other dudes, it doesn’t mean I hate guys who do. Girls go for dudes and I don’t hate them, so what’s the difference? As long as it’s between consenting adults, why should I care? Sure, I might hate them if they’re assholes about it, but that’s because they’re assholes, not because they’re gay, just like if a straight person is an asshole.
Anyway, I’m getting sidetracked. Jamey Rodemeyer was a kid brave enough to tell the world he was gay in the hopes other teens going through the same crap would find solace in the fact they’re not alone in the world. Massive amounts of online bullying followed from people who didn’t even know this kid, and who feared his bravery. For, weighed down from abuse suffered for over a year, he finally succumbed and ended it all this week.
What pathetic creatures we humans are to torment another of our own race for showing bravery. I doubt a single one of those who tormented young Jamey online showed their face or posted their name, hiding their bigotry behind anonymity. And I also doubt they feel any sort of guilt for their deeds, puffing themselves up and pretending they are strong for bullying someone so badly they have to kill themself to escape the pain of admitting they are only human.
I have a nephew around the same age as Jamey Rodemeyer, and I hope with all my soul he possesses the same bravery this young man displayed for over a year. Simply sticking true to what you are inside is the hardest thing any of us can ever do, facing down your peers and battling on despite the judgement of people who ultimately don’t matter, because the only person who matters is yourself.
If you find yourself weighed down by despair, remember what this brave young man promised: It Gets Better.
I find myself wondering what Jamey might have achieved if he had held on for one more day, a day which turned into a week, a week which turned into a year. Imagine what this brave young man could have brought to the world if he had persevered instead of giving in. His bullies have now won, and another bright star has fallen. How many other bright stars are out there, clinging on despite adversity?
Don’t give up.
Don’t give in.
It does get better, life gets easier, you just need to hold on one more day, every day. It might take months, it might be years, but each day alive is a battle won, and you become stronger as a result. Before you know it, those who range against you will no longer matter, and those who support you will lend their support in times of need. Be strong, life is worth it.
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Topics: Personal, Serious | 13 Comments »
Bullying
This isn’t a funny post, there is no punchline, no witty retort at the end. This is where you get to see the other side of the humor. Don’t get used to it, but for this topic I think it’s necessary. Please bear with me and spread the word.
I despise bullying. End of story. Unfortunately it is intricately intertwined into our society to such a degree that often those perpetrating the bullying don’t even realize they’re doing it.
For a start, let’s look into what bullying actually is. From the outset, images spring to mind of schoolyard scenes filled with kids grouping together to pick on another weaker, less popular child in the hopes that by doing so they’ll somehow become more popular, more feared. But bullying is more than that, much more, and many will be surprised at how often they might have perpetrated it themselves without even realizing.
It begins with hate.
That’s all, nothing more complex than that. Regardless of where that hate comes from, whether it’s abuse at home or self loathing, it all comes back to a four letter word: H-A-T-E. Insecurity also comes into play, but hate remains the core of why bullying happens, and hate breeds more hate, like a never-ending fountain of pain, radiating ripples out and affecting all those touched by it.
Many will find it difficult to believe that I was once bullied. Me; a man who has spent the greater part of his adult life standing up to people of a violent nature was once cowed so badly he thought of killing himself daily. I yearned for it, a release from all the pain I felt from the moment I awoke to the time when I could finally, wretchedly, fall into a broken and tormented sleep. However, I wasn’t bullied by a schoolyard kid – not always, though it did happen as my self confidence eroded more and more – I was bullied by someone else, someone whom I refuse to disclose in this post. This person hated their lot in life and decided to transfer that pain onward to the only person they could -
Me.
Constant erosion of self worth can do two things to a person; it can break them or make them stronger. I almost broke. With my self-worth in tatters I finally decided to end it all, there was no doubt in my mind, that’s how damaged I had become. I even had a plan mapped out of how I would do it, thinking how I would show everyone how wrong they had been about me, how much they would finally miss me.
Fortunately for me a friend reached out to me that day, and with his help I learned to look at myself in the mirror without thinking I was useless, that I didn’t have to die to stop the pain I felt each and every day. Each morning from that moment on was a gift to me, and I treated it as such. I lived with the idea that I could always end things tomorrow, so long as I made it through today. And much like an addict crawls out of the miserable hole they dig themselves into, I managed to escape the worst of my pain… but not all.
I think this might be why I chose the career I did in the security industry; some sub-conscious drive pushing me towards protecting people, helping them from getting hurt by others as I was once hurt. In this small way maybe I hope to atone for the weakness I felt on that sunny afternoon when I almost ended it all.
Every day beyond this is a gift.
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